I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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