I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
