i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Never joke about your clitoris.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize