I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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