Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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