Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
