I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
