I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
