FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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