oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
