____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Please don't give away my fajitas
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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