I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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