Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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