Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
The beers last night were like the tears from god
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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