Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Randomize
