it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
