I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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