Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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