I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
