I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
