I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Randomize
