Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
