apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
