Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
