How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
