The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
