I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
