if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
