She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
