You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
