Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
how does that bad decision feel?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
