I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
God, I missed his penis.
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