Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
