The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
