My liver just broke up with me...
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
MIDGETS
????
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
