hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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