the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
My ATM looks so different sober.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
