Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
