just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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