Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
