I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
