I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize