they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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