Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize