I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Barsexuality is the new black.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
