my phone needs a breathalizer
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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