theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I'm both gender and math confused
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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