then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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