I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
