Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
