I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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