Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
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