he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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