Christians are straight up FREAKS
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
