she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Randomize
