don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
