Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I wish i was in the wii world.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize