I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
