just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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