I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Randomize
