Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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