You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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