Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
