when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
