well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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