I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
