Can i not drive my cunt home
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize