does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
